Just had a wonderful brunch with Carlisle, the sweetest :) The chips were like a warm sunset over Santa Monica Pier, the tacos had corn tortillas mashed from the corn fields of Northern New Mexico with hog meat from central California's Coalinga national reserve of royal pigs. The mimosas of all flavors tickled the tongue in all the right directions. The view of "Trans Atlantic" Buy-sell-trade is as moving as looking up at the Hollywood sign during rush hour traffic and there is a brush fire two miles away and your windows are busted so you can't roll them up and you're stuck sniffing up God's cancer. There is one waitress with the bosom of Venus and a cherub face but doesn't realize it and keeps tucking away at her crop top trying to hide things that we all know are actually there. Such a pleasure on this sweltering hot day was the Cocina Condesa.
With all the Love
Hey Onewheel Family!
My Onewheel has now been in the shop for two and a half weeks. A level of depression has set in in my life because of it's absence. I can't eat and I can't sleep and I obviously can't go out for a rip on my wheel.
I am not writing to you to complain but to explain a few things. I love this product. I use it everyday. I use it as my main mode of transportation. I have probably single handedly been responsible for the sale of at least 10 boards, from friends and family to complete strangers. On one such occasion I was riding by my local shop, Hollywood Electrics, and a woman was there with her son looking at the wheel as a Christmas gift to him. I'm not going to name any names but (whispers) Veronica Vaughn. I was able to teach her offspring in a matter of minutes the balance and control of the Onewheel. I then rode off into the sunset like Indiana at the end of The Holy Grail. She bought the board that day, it was the day that we (royal "we") converted another to the family. Not the Charles Manson family but I spose there are some similarities because we all love "one thing" but that is discussion is for another day.
I was told in an email from Carly, whom I adore btw she is an angel and she knows it, that it would cost me $172.2- for headquarters to fix my wheel. I am in some minor disbelief because all I know was that I got caught in the rain and in the 15 minutes it took me to ride home, she was dead. Couldn't pull it off with this equipment. If I had know that we (collective we) couldn't ride in the rain hence water resistant vs waterproof I wouldn't have done so.
Besides this rhetoric babble I just want to let you know that I am a loyal customer and always will be. I was in the first 200 customers to order the OW+; so stoked to tally some turns! But this being said I am not a wealthy human, and 172 bucks is 172 bucks. That's a lot of cheddar. I have managed to pile around 1500 miles onto my board and it's in need of a service (new tire and foot pads) I mentioned this to Gabriela, also an angel just less acquainted with, on 2/24/2017.
I am asking for your goodwill in assisting me as I know you are a benevolent and altruistic company. I'm aware that there has been leaps in discounted fees of 10% and shipping already but I'm concerning the latter (wheel/pads). If your can find it your hearts to graciously keep my wheel shiny side up and reunite the Juliet to me, Romeo, I will be forever grateful.
Your loyal customer,
P.S. if you hear small whimpers in the shop at night, it's just my Juliet wanting to come home.
Dbl. P.S. check out my instagram loaded with Onewheel shots. @thesethrussell
For "Mak B"
On your way to an invitation only ski/resort package vacation in whitefish Montana hosted by Ashton Kutcher your plane was rerouted because of weather that wasn't conducive to flying to Cheyenne Wyoming. Upon a dicey landed with 50 mph cross winds you finally made it safely to gate B5 on the southeastern side of the Cheyenne International Airport. It took a long time to deboard the plane because there was elderly couple that had shared arthritis who simply were trying to get to whitefish to see the birth of their granddaughter Katherine. Little to your knowledge and little to everyone else's knowledge Garth brooks was on this plane with just his Taylor series guitar. He was enroute to whitefish because Johnny depp had little/enormous fundraiser to save the wolves, Garth brooks being an avid wolf lover agreed to accompany him and play one song, "The Dance." After Mr. Brooks heard about this elderly couples ordeal he decided to write a song for them and for their recently born granddaughter and he named it "Mom." (If you don't know this song I suggest you stop whatever it is you think your doing and you listen to "Mom" by Garth Brooks). After everyone finally got off the plane, he walked up to the elderly couple, sat down his Taylor Series guitar case, took out his Taylor Series guitar from his Taylor Series guitar case and played them the song. As tears flushed through their old eyes the sound of a train's whistle could be heard and as it got louder the sound of one thousand buffalo stampeding along side the Little Big Horn River could be heard. The strike of lightning and The thunder rolls!! Garth Brooks and his Taylor Series guitar vanished into thin air leaving you and the elderly couple the only onlookers with something that you will have for the rest of your lives, each a a perfectly folded "Garth Brooks live in 1989" vintage T-shirt.
At the Cheyenne international airport there was a Hertz rental car business that seemed like it was about to go out of business until you showed and up and rented the only car that they offered, a 1998 Buick La Cross. You saved that business and the man running it and his wife and six kids. Your one line of a advice that rattled his brain box, "Get a different assortment of cars, maybe something with four-wheel drive." He took that advice and purchased with his last remaining cash and he had to pawn his great great great grandfather's civil war musket to buy a fleet of 2009 Chevy Tahoes.
The weather was getting worse, there was about a 10 foot range of visibility because of the whipping winds and dense mountain snowfall. But you were patient and took this as a life experience and decided that this weather is just weather so you turned on the radio and good ol Lonnie Bell's classic country on the wolf was the only station that came through the FM radio. After an arduous trip north that took you nearly 10 hours you landed in the quaint little town in southern Montana called Nye. You decided that you should probably take a break and get some food and maybe a miller light and a shot of Jameson's, so you stopped in at Hannah Montana's (known now as Montana jacks). You ordered a ribeye medium rare and some French fries and ketchup (extra ketchup) and your tasty beverages. Upon completion of your food order a couple locals in the back started poking fun at you from across the room. You tried to pay them no mind and continue on with your business but they couldn't be ignored. You were wearing snow boots and tan trousers and a motley crew sweater that your best friend had given you before she moved on, to the neighbor city of Kansas. You only spoke two times a week instead of the usual four. One of the fellas said "I don't believe that motley crew was even a mediocre band." He said, "I think that they were decent at best." At this time Dwayne the rock Johnson walks through the door and punches the man in the face and tells him to "Shut the F*#k up and go home and to stop spending all his money on ol Milwaukee and Funyuns and buy his kids Christmas gifts next year." You gave The Rock a wink an he melted into the floor, he then walked outside. You finished your steak, polished off your third miller light, shot the shooter, got the cute bartender information so you could find him Facebook, you made him blush. Little did you know that would spark this other incredible story about the time you tweaked your ankle at a rock climbing gym in downtown Los Angeles.
Time and space continue on the projected course.
Yesterday the Earth tilted on its axis from all the love that was received.
Cell phones suck but all of you do not, except for iPhones. iPhones do not suck.
Guitars made from my parents cottonwood trees are the only true sounding instruments.
Wednesday's are jealous of Saturday's and Saturday's are jaded because they have never lost a battle.
My birthday was awesome, all other people's birthdays are awesome.
Facts can be derivatives of what one believes in their soul, or until proven wrong and then you look silly.
Unicorns make the best pets. That's my opinion.
Carabiners were a great idea, can you imagine trying to climb Everest without a carabiner. Better yet, can you imagine not having a carabiner on your car keys!?
I wish my car had Walkman inside it, I'm not getting as much use from the CD player.
10 different people looking at a painting see 10 different interpretations until one of them speaks.
Boone's Farm Snow Creek Berry, Fireball, and 12 year old scotch, all spring from the same fresh water pond behind the KR Bar.
10 is better than 5, except for when counting bee stings. 5 is definitely better than 10 when counting bee stings.
They say you become wise with age, so these are some thoughts in my head to possibly prove or disprove what "they say."
Thank you all for being you and allowing me into your lives, blessings.
After traveling from far away lands punished by thousands buffalo grazing amongst antelope we landed on our destination. Tim a BearCat disguised as a bartender showed us our way to our table, the one watched over by the spirit of the elk. Glancing around to see a set of Longhorns probably off of a 77 Texas Cadillac Eldorado, and ice cold coors light girl giving me the eye telling me, "Come on, I know what you want." She was right and her Colorado Rocky Mountain spring water help washed down a slab of steak that must have been cut from the majestic fields of Ennis, MT fed by organic untouched soils because it was like taking an 8 second ride on the bull Blueberry Wine to win the national championship at the PBR. Following dinner Tim mentioned that his grandmothers cheesecake recipe has been used in the establishment since 1962. (All facts are driven by what one believes). Of course we had to try some, there is no mistaking it, it was better than the sampler plate at the Tempe, AZ Cheesecake Factory. As we finish the dining experience at the Cowboy Express Steakhouse we sip on digestif cocktails designed by Tim BearCat himself and talk about the extravagant tales of Louis L'Amour.
When I go into Twirl I feel the refresh of a loyal loving family, like the type of family that when you go back home to your family and say "Hey, I see that you have been eating garbage for the last 50 years, how about eating or drinking this to look out for your well being." The people who work there are as sweet as a home grown tangerine and as knowledgeable on the product as a doctorate level grad student is on what its like to have a goal. The organic yogurt is as plush as Tiger was when he won the Grand Slam in 2001 and as clutch as Jordan hitting the game winner over Russell against the Jazz in the NBA finals in 98.
When I leave after eating their yogurt I feel as if I just had a fresh powder run starting at the peak of Everest, and read every book of the Game of Thrones series at base camp. Its like driving a Lamborghini that you actually own and can afford to pay the taxes on to a Dallas Cowboys Super Bowl victory while sitting in box seat sipping an ice cold Miller Light with Jerry Jones talking about "Where are the haters now?" After I get home I feel like an Olympic ice skating duo that just destroyed the song "Careless Whisper" by George Michael, and realize that "I am going to dance again," as long as I can dance with Twirl.
Lets look at some statistics as of today Sean is 303 months old, I on the other hand, I’m not that old. At the spritely age of 274 month’s give or take a few days I’ve come to know a little something about this world, and the greatest piece of knowledge that I can share is that most things you hear are made up on the spot, so here we go.
When Sean was born he weighed 6 pounds 7 ounces and our mother gained 10 pounds during her pregnancy with him, bless her soul. Me on the other hand 7 pounds even and mom actually lost weight. When Sean was brought home from the hospital he was met by family and friends congratulating mom and dad on how cute their baby was. When I as brought home from the hospital I was met by a full length parade put on by The Pony Express led by there chief and commander in full garb, Sir Herman.
When I was three years old I distracted a grizzly bear stalking Sean in the Russell back country by throwing my empty pistachio shells at its back as I skipped merrily behind it. Once it turned on me I ran to the dark back corner of our estate where I had a presharpened spear. As it reared up to take a swing at me Sean yelled, “Seth no I’m older . . .” I yelled back as a punctured the spear through the grizzly’s back, “Its ok I love you!!!”
I wasn’t always better than Sean, one of the biggest secrets that I am going to share is that I didn’t actually invent the Shadow Cast. It was taught to me by Sean as he would stand on boulders in the middle of the Stillwater River he would flip his fly in all directions right above the surface of the water, his rod looked as though he was conducting a 180 piece orchestra. As I peered through the bushes to watch I would see the largest, majestic Browns and Rainbows ever birthed waiting patiently for Sean’s fly to land. He wasn’t greedy though, he went for the sport of it and left the biggest fish for us commoners, yes, and at the time I was just a basic. Everyday when we got home from school or church we would race to get our rods and sprint to the riverbank. I went to my spot where I rushed to fill my limit, and then it was pen and paper taking notes through the bush on the Shadow Cast. At night I would climb as quietly as a mouse out of the top layer of our bunk bed and practice my Shadow Cast in the living room. He’d catch me as I was leaving the room and ask where I was going. I’d respond to get a late night snack and/or a glass of milk. The one night that he caught me practicing he knew exactly what I’d been up to and the actual seven years war had begun. The only time we rested was to drink glacier Gatorade and to eat bison jerky. At the end of the seven years we had come to a compromise that I could use the Shadow Cast but I had to move out of the room. We settled shook hands and agreed to the terms.
End of Chapter One.
I just got done at the gym and I was cruisin’ down the sidewalk on Vine Ave. on my bike. I take my time at first to avoid the people walking. I was going a little faster than usual dodging through the pedestrians, the homeless guy pulling his cart, the couple dressed in the matching color schemed clothes, the car pulling out from under the theatre who doesn’t look until he is parked in the middle of the sidewalk and he waves in to me saying “shit sorry”. It doesn’t matter how sorry he is his car is still in the middle of the sidewalk because he was thinking only for himself.
After this block there is a restaurant that has seating that goes into the sidewalk so I have to move to the street and ride there. When I lived in South Dakota we called ourselves the Bike Bandits because we would dodge through traffic. So some habits never die and whenever I ride on the street I try to ride at the same rate of speed as the traffic.
Yes of course I wear a helmet.
As I’m getting closer to home, the neighborhood section around 4th and Arden where I take a left to stay on the portion of the road that is bike laned. I’m flying up to the intersection where there are a few cars stopped at the four way. A BMW coming the opposite direction as me, and SUV coming up from behind me, and this woman driving this bare minimum Venice Beach water colored mustang. The BMW was there first so he starts to drive through, then it was to be my turn because of the timing, I was flying on a bicycle up to the intersection in the bike path of the road! I signaled and made complete eye contact with this woman so she would know that I was going to stop.
Why should I have to stop? The amount of energy it takes for me to come to a complete stop and start up again is massive compared to that woman pushing her fat foot down on the gas pedal.
I love to pedal; when I’m on the bike everything else important kind of just goes away for a moment. It’s just me and whatever is in front of me. I wear headphones but usually don’t even listen to music.
I take my last peddle upon making the hard left hand turn on to fourth but she deliberately stepped on the gas peddle and started moving into the intersection. I was going to fast to have any other strategy other than layin’ the bike down. I grabbed the brakes as hard as I could and skidded on to my left side. The pedal sparking off the pavement, my handlebars bouncing of the Earth at the same rhythm as my body crashin’ down to solid ground. All while squeezing my brakes I as still managed to give the woman the middle finger as the smiled and sped off in her puke colored mustang. That woman.
I am from here on out, in the midst of giants. My colleague and long time companion has fallen in to the depths of a porcelain grave. As she blinks only on life support I fear there is no coming back to see the light. We have been through so many triumphs and faults, quarrels and exuberant tales of glory that even in her dying wake she will not be forgotten. As she lies on her deathbed of rice, brown and white I shall tell her tale.
She was so beautiful when I saw her in the store, so flamboyant and flirtatious with her quad core processor and five-inch screen, I measured when she was asleep. When I was looking at the other competition she out of all the others always seemed to catch my eye from across the room, she would wink as if almost to whisper, “I’m not that easy.” She had me from that moment on, her ability to beat around the bush and get straight to the point just fascinated me I guess.
For the longest time we never truly understood each other, she was just as complex as I, and I being selfish in my ways never took the time to open up to her. But when we did it sparked magic between us, we could accomplish anything. She wing manned me and I downloaded battery usage apps and storage managers for her, we were a team.
We never fought but she did slip away from me a few times, and only once did it leave any marks. She never did tell me the time that I let her down, she was so stubborn, but her backside was scorn with resentment, shattered. I looked to repair her but she wouldn’t allow it, she said, “You never changed for me why should I change for you.” I learned to cover her marks, some covers worked better than others, but towards the end we met in the middle with a wonderful little black Diztronic soft case, she picked it out, Amazon suggestions helped.
As I attempt to drown my sorrows with Makers Mark, ice, bitters, and sweet vermouth I look above and wonder what hath at stake for the rest of us. There will be a small reception at ‘We Buy Your Broken Phones Co.’ truly the only ones I expect there are me . . . and retail sales representative on duty. Post cards and other messages can be received through email, mail, or Facebook if you so inquire; they are not mandatory but very appreciated. (The last line pertains to the point where I will no longer have the use of my phone and the only form of contact with me will be through the options listed about, granted I have WiFi) Till we meet again Miss Lazer, you will be missed.
"Well she has her wine, what are we having, its flowing like glue." Grandmother Kate